Anywhere, I would’ve followed you.


I reached my hand out in the darkness. My fingertips touched a cool, smooth surface. Lightly tapping on the surface, I realized I’m behind a glass wall.

Dim lights came on on the other side of the wall, bright enough I can just about make out what is there on the other side.

A little boy was getting beat up by his peers… I watched in horror as his peers left without saying a word. The boy stood up and slowly walked along the glass wall, oblivious to my presence. I walked with him, hand trailing along the cold glass wall. I watched him slowly grow up with bruises. I watched him as he get verbally attacked, I watched him as he enclosed himself in a box and became more quiet. I watched as he curled up in bed and cried himself to sleep.

I want to help him. Whenever he stops walking, I sit down on the other side of the glass wall, sympathetic thoughts filled my mind. I want to let him know I understood. I wanted to give him a hug, and tell him that I am here for him. I watched him for a long time, like a movie slowly unfolding through a one-way glass.

Today is Christmas Day. He is 22, has recently moved out to live by himself, and is the first time in his life to spend Christmas alone. He sat on his bed, with a hollow stare to whatever is outside his window. I sat here looking at him, until he looked over to my direction. Staring straight into me. I raised my hands and gently pressed them against the glass wall, trying to mentally comfort him while looking him in his sad eyes. As time passed, I slowly leaned forward and looked closer at him. I see tears in his eyes as he gradually stood up, and walked towards my direction without breaking eye contact. He stopped in front of me and looked down to me, then steadily sat down. I looked at him intently. He looked like he was searching for words, before opening his mouth,

“Say something, I’m giving up on you.”

I gasped inaudibly, as it slowly dawned on me that he might be trying to talk to me.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you.” I replied.

I watched him as tears fell from his sad face. He put his hands on the glass wall.

Up against my hands.


 

Thank you to Pentatonix and Jasmine Thompson’s versions of “Say Something”. Tonight I have cried to both versions and I really, really needed that. I also did feel a bit better after writing this.

Everyone’s Hurting.


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“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

–Bob Marley

[Currently Playing and Slightly Inspired by: “A Little Death” –The Neighbourhood]

It hurts.

It hurts to think. It hurts to think what everyone is going through.

Everyone’s hurting. What we’re going through, what we’re all going through. All sorts of things others simply cannot imagine. Going through an obstacle course of our own. Maybe we could put on a smile. Put on a smile and be nice. Maybe we could try harder, try harder to let them have a better day. Try harder to make each other smile, cus everyone’s hurting.

…but who cares? Who cares what others think, who cares what others feel? Some are selfish. Judging, venting, bashing, hating, insulting. Their own feelings first and foremost. Negative comments fill their minds.

Where is love?

…but some escape. Some escape from themselves, escape from their own worlds, escape from their own feelings. It’s easy to fake a smile and live on. Lacking self-love, hurting themselves more.

Where is love?

Everyone has secrets nonetheless. Secrets so dark and deep we never share. Secrets so dark and deep they eat us inside and out. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of how others see me. I’ve had enough of being someone else’s puppet. I’ve had enough of listening to judgments and complaints and insults. I’ve had enough of all these. I’ve had enough.

Where is love?

Final countdown. Final countdown to seconds spent in this room. This moonlit room.

I am in position. It’s going to take a while, but I’m ready.

I am ready.

Where is love?

No one will understand.


I’ve found that like, music has taken a big part of my writing experiences. Some of my inspirations came from lyrics, and I’d even insert them into the story. This time, I’ve got a cover of the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”, sang by Kimmi Smiles just looping in my iTunes. Since I was also doing other things and just relaxing to livestreams, the music, and writing this, the song looped so many times I don’t even know. 😛

 

…and I don’t want the world to see me, cus I don’t think that they’d understand.

Dreams…they bring hope but disappointment as well. Dreams, they are the result of unconsciousness. Dreams are killers.

For a few hours, I was laughing, I was holding someone’s hands, I was free, I was happy. For a few hours, I was trapped in the same position, but also running wild, on the beach, on the streets, in the park. There was no agony, not at all. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to be sad about. For a few hours, I wasn’t me, but was also me.

…and after that, was the reality. Everything shattered. I’m not carefree. I’m not running, not jumping. I’m not trapped anymore, but I’m not free. I’m controlled, I’m made to sit, I’m made to follow the expectations. I’m me, but I’m not me anymore. Nobody would ever know anything about me, I would be smiling, they’d think I’m happy. I am happy, I am…but I can never tell anyone my dreams. No, ‘cus no one will understand. No one will ever understand.

Are dreams made to be broken? No, I don’t believe that…but my dreams, they are lethal. They broke me into pieces, they destroyed me.

…but after being destroyed, I will slowly rise from the rubble. I want to defeat this. I want to be happy, but happy in reality. I will smile. I will bring love, positivity. To make reality better than dreams.

When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

 

Look at that, I inserted the lyrics again. loll

I told a friend this would be a really messed up piece. It’s so abstract, I don’t even know. It was supposed to be a really sad piece at first, since I was kinda sad and started writing this, but I got a bit better afterwards, and I decided to end it with the fight to defeat the negativity. ❤ Dreams, by the way, could refer to dreams when we sleep, or daydreaming. I guess it’s a bit of both…

This piece contains some of my darkest secrets, which nobody so far has know. I never planned to tell anyone. I'm sure everyone has darkest secrets that we all keep inside and buried underneath. Maybe one day we will find someone special to share them with, maybe not, but I don't really care anymore. I wanna let life flow before me, I don't have to expect anything, I don't have to worry. Not anymore.

I will clear my head, stop this mess inside of me.