No one will understand.


I’ve found that like, music has taken a big part of my writing experiences. Some of my inspirations came from lyrics, and I’d even insert them into the story. This time, I’ve got a cover of the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”, sang by Kimmi Smiles just looping in my iTunes. Since I was also doing other things and just relaxing to livestreams, the music, and writing this, the song looped so many times I don’t even know. 😛

 

…and I don’t want the world to see me, cus I don’t think that they’d understand.

Dreams…they bring hope but disappointment as well. Dreams, they are the result of unconsciousness. Dreams are killers.

For a few hours, I was laughing, I was holding someone’s hands, I was free, I was happy. For a few hours, I was trapped in the same position, but also running wild, on the beach, on the streets, in the park. There was no agony, not at all. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to be sad about. For a few hours, I wasn’t me, but was also me.

…and after that, was the reality. Everything shattered. I’m not carefree. I’m not running, not jumping. I’m not trapped anymore, but I’m not free. I’m controlled, I’m made to sit, I’m made to follow the expectations. I’m me, but I’m not me anymore. Nobody would ever know anything about me, I would be smiling, they’d think I’m happy. I am happy, I am…but I can never tell anyone my dreams. No, ‘cus no one will understand. No one will ever understand.

Are dreams made to be broken? No, I don’t believe that…but my dreams, they are lethal. They broke me into pieces, they destroyed me.

…but after being destroyed, I will slowly rise from the rubble. I want to defeat this. I want to be happy, but happy in reality. I will smile. I will bring love, positivity. To make reality better than dreams.

When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

 

Look at that, I inserted the lyrics again. loll

I told a friend this would be a really messed up piece. It’s so abstract, I don’t even know. It was supposed to be a really sad piece at first, since I was kinda sad and started writing this, but I got a bit better afterwards, and I decided to end it with the fight to defeat the negativity. ❤ Dreams, by the way, could refer to dreams when we sleep, or daydreaming. I guess it’s a bit of both…

This piece contains some of my darkest secrets, which nobody so far has know. I never planned to tell anyone. I'm sure everyone has darkest secrets that we all keep inside and buried underneath. Maybe one day we will find someone special to share them with, maybe not, but I don't really care anymore. I wanna let life flow before me, I don't have to expect anything, I don't have to worry. Not anymore.

I will clear my head, stop this mess inside of me.

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